How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
