How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
