you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
