He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
