I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
