i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
