I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
vagina is talking i cant
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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