he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're a waste of cheezeits
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
