if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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