why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
