Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
