Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
