Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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