Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
