You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i need some magic done to my vagina
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
