I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
