I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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