I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
