I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
