You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
foreskin is a definite game changer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
