I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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