I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
