Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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