I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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