At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
