I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
