i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
