Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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