By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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