he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
