Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
