Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
