I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
