Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
