Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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