I think my vagina is haunted
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
