you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
