I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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