its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
