tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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