I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
