I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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