look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
