The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
