I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
