grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
