i wish my penis had a tongue
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
