how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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