Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
