If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
