I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
