I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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